I R VERNON KOEKEMOER: 2008

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Vernon Koekemoer and Giant soccer players stand in the hall of the main station in Zurich, Switzerland

Vern & Giant soccer players stand in the hall of the main station in Zurich, Switzerland, Thursday, June 5 2008. Two days before the kick off of the Euro 2008 soccer tournament in Austria and Switzerland, the 17-meter-high players stand in a circle and welcome the soccer fans arriving in Zurich.

Is it Just Me or is Everything Kak?: The whingers’ guide to South Africa

If you click on this image I won't moer u cause it's a link to http://www.kalahari.net/books/Is-it-Just-Me-or-is-Everything-Kak or just click on this very long link. Just watch it cause it doesn't open a new window or something. So, if you smaak our site do the right thing and right click to open and then buy this book from the outjies at Kalahari.

Description: Is It Just Me Or Is Everything Kak? The Whinger's Guide To South Africa is a funny and satirical A-to-Z frothy that cuts to the quick, sparing nothing and no-one that affects the lives of South Africans.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Nandos Chicken have their revenge on Vernon Koekemoer

Vern bad spidey

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Vernon Koekemoer KISS party and CD launch

Come skud your boude at Groovebar in Midrand this Saturday 28 June. Sommer get a chance to meet mister Koekemoer as well. We’ll be there too, cause we can like to party with him as well.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Vernon Koekemoer Wish

Vernon is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."

Vernon thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. Vernon starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

Vernon says, "I want two more of these."

Three-Legged Chicken & die Koek

One day Vernon was driving down a back country road at about 40 Kmh when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.

He stepped on the gas but at 80 Kmh the chicken was still keeping up. After about a kilometer of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.

Vernon had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.

The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.

"That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said Vernon. "How do they taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."

Follow-up on this story/joke

Vernon assisted the geneticist farmer to catch this three-legged chicken because he was also keen to taste it. So, Vernon made a plan and ambushed the chicken with his OU charm and simply moered him when the chicken was not looking.

And below is actual proof of this new type of chicken breed. Not the best angle, but still clearly showing the three legs. Vernon never got to taste the chicken because the farmer didn't have any beer or mayo to go with it, so Vernon excused himself and drove of into the sunset.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Koekemoer Balloons Flash Game

To place this game on your website, just copy and paste the code below into your page or blog. Do this in Html edit mode.
Copy / Paste code below:

Koeke Moer Flash Game

To place this game on your website, just copy and paste the code below into your page or blog. Do this in Html edit mode.
Copy / Paste code below:

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Vernon Koekemoer buying a chainsaw

Vern is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don't you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred cords of wood for you in one day."

So, Vern takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two cords, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw. "How can I cut for hours and only cut two cords?" Vern asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," Vern tells himself. So, the next morning Vern gets up at 4 am in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five cords.

Vern is convinced this is a bad saw. "The dealer is told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I is taking this saw back to the dealer," Vern says to himself.

The very next day Vern brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by Vern's claim, removes the chainsaw from the case. The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."

Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which Vern responds, "What are that noise?

What are your name?

Walking through Chinatown, Vern is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How in hell is that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.
Vern asks, "How are this shop get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

Vern asks, "Well, who and where are the owner?" "Me...is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How are you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say,'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say Sem Ting."

Verns guide to what to do when a police officer pulls you over

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over.

20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?

17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

14. Bad cop. No donut.

13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

9. I pay your salary

8. So uh, you on the take or what?

7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.

6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.

4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

1. I moer you!!!

Wisdom from Vernon Koekemoer

Vern explains the Lottery as a tax on people who are bad at math.

Makes you think :)

and more of Vernon Koekemoer Wisdom

Vern says: He who laughs last thinks slowest!

More Vernon Koekemoer Wisdom

Reasons to allow drinking at work

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work.
If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

Vernon Koekemoer Wisdom

Vern suggested to IBM to change the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because many people won't know where the "Any" key is.

Vern cares for dumb oaks too.

Vern and the glass eye

Vernon Koekemoer was like dining in a lekka fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead chick sitting at the next table wearing a taight jean pant. Vern had been checking her out since he sat down and laaiked what he are seeing very much. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the Vern. Like a tiger Vern reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you." They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites Vern to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks Vern if he would like to come to her place and stay for breakfast the next morning. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. Vernon is amazed! Everything has been incredible! "You know," Vern said, "you are laaik the perfect chick. Are you this nice to every guy you are meeting?" "No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Vernon Koekemoer in a bar

Vern is sitting in a bar. Each time before he orders a drink
he takes out his wallet, removes a photograph and stares at it.

Who's the photo of? asks the barman, serving Vern his eighth
Klippies and Coke.

'My wife. When she starts to look pretty I'll know I've had enough.'

Koekemoer and the Queen

Vern is invited to have lunch with the Queen. While sitting at her table he says to her:

"Jis you know Queen you have got such a nice house, and you know Queen your clothes are so nice and you know Queen your food is bakgat!"

The Queen gets pissed off with this Queen bit and says to Vern. "Mr Koekemoer, you should not be calling me Queen this and Queen that the correct title is "Your highness".

Vern says, " ..jis that is unbelievable, my brother's name is also Johannes and he is also a queen!"

Vernon Ball Z

Monday, June 16, 2008

Burger gets help from koekemoer

Schalk Burger tuning Vern which outjie...

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Little Vernon Koekemoer

Little Vernie was in his junior school class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up;-

Fireman, policeman, salesman, politician;

Vernie was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap room and let them shag him."

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring and then took Little Vernie aside. She asked him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Vernie, "My father plays rugby for South Africa, but I was just too embarrassed to say".

Vernon Joke

Vern was on a lekker holiday in Durbs. One day he heard from his friends that there was a fancy dress ball, and he could go.

The dress theme was to symbolize a country. Unsure what to do, he hid in a bush outside the hall and watched what was going on.

A woman arrived scantily dressed in a few feathers. When the doorman asked what country she was she said "Turkey", so he said, "Feathers, Turkey, OK you can go in".

Another beautiful and shapely woman arrived clad only in a "G" string, her body smeared with oil. She said she was Iran. "Oil, Iran." OK go in.

So then Vern sauntered up to the door naked except for a brown paper packet placed over his manhood and said he was from Pakistan.

The doorman could not understand and asked Vern to explain: "Bring daardie twee meisies uit, dan sal jy sien hoe hierdie pakkie staan!!!"

eng. (Bring those two girls back out and you'll see how this pakistands!!!)